Mindful Parenting 正念教養
http://www.bodhikids.org/parents/
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.”
- Kahlil Gibran
孩子並不屬於你。
他們是因「生命」對自身渴慕而來的子女。
－紀伯倫
Every Bodhi Kids family program allows for parents/guardians to spend some time away from their children to focus on learning meditation. Parents also engage in an open discussion about how to parent more mindfully, while developing compassion for both themselves and their children along the way. One great companion book for these gatherings is Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn. Below are 12 exercises from the book. As you read them, keep in mind that the approach to mindful parenting is not a chore, one more thing you need to try to get right.
在各個「菩提子女」的家庭方案中，我們都會讓雙親或監護人有一段時間不和小孩相處，以便專心學習禪修。他們在培養對自身及子女的慈悲心歷程中，也能針對如何以更具正念的方式教養孩子來進行開放式的討論。由喬恩和米拉卡巴金所寫的《每日祝福：正念教養的內在運作》是參與這些聚會的絕佳隨身指南。以下是書中的12個練習。在你閱讀的同時，請記得：正念教養並不是一件苦差事、你得額外費心做好的工作。
Rather it is an exploration of the present moment, however messy it might be. It might be hard to put down the “adult” task long enough to try it out but you will find it as fascinating as entering a new alive world. This is your child’s world, their mind. In fact you might feel your own imagination stir in ways that it hasn’t since you were a child. Your own perception of your life might feel less rigid and more mailable all of a sudden. The most amazing thing is that if you can meet here with your child frequently, communication and trust deepens between you. It’s not another chore. It’s what Kahlil Gibran describes as “Life’s longing for itself.”
正念教養其實是一種對當下時刻的探索，無論情況有多混亂。要放下「成人」的職責以嘗試這種探索，或許有其困難，然而你會發現，一旦放下，就彷彿進入了嶄新活躍的世界那般讓人著迷。這是你孩子的世界，他們的心靈。事實上，你或許會覺得自己的想像力騷動了起來，而那是在你童年之後就從未出現的事。你可能會突然發現：自己對生命的感知變得通達許多，不像以往那麼僵固。最令人驚奇的是，如果你能時常在此與孩子相會，你們之間的溝通和信任將更為深刻。這不是另一件苦差事。這正是紀伯倫所說的「生命對自身的渴慕」。
1. Try to imagine the world from your child’s point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.
刻意放下你個人的觀點，嘗試從孩子的角度想像世界。每天至少花幾個片刻提醒自己：孩子是誰，以及孩子在這世上所面對的是什麼。
2. Imagine how you appear and sound from your child’s point of view; imagine having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?
想像你在孩子眼中的樣子和聲音；想像一下，有你做為父母，今日此刻，孩子看到的、聽到的是什麼。你會如何因此而調整你的舉手投足、姿態樣貌、說話方式與內容？此刻，你想要如何與孩子建立連結？
3. Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. Work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.
練習看見孩子本身就是完美。努力接納他們原本的樣子，即使這是你最難做到的事。
4. Be mindful of your expectations of your children, and consider whether they are truly in your children’s best interests. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.
觀照你對孩子的期望，並思量這些期望是否確實符合他們的最佳利益。此外，要覺察你傳達這些期望的方式，以及這些期望對孩子造成的影響。
5. Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn’t some common ground where your needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.
修持利他心，無論何時都盡可能將子女的需求置於你個人之上。再看看是否也能找到符合你需求的共同處。特別是當你保持耐心、努力求取平衡時，可能會驚訝地發現你和孩子的需求有很多重疊之處。
6. When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still. Meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what really needs to be done.
當你感到迷惘或不知所措，切記要鎮靜。將所有的注意力集中在情況本身、你的子女、你自己與整個家庭，進行靜慮禪修。如此，你或可超越理性思維而全面投入，直觀地覺察真正需要做的事。
7. Try embodying silent presence. Listen carefully.
試著實踐靜默陪伴。認真傾聽。
8. Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. See what is “workable” if you are willing to trust your intuition and best instincts.
學著在壓力下保持平衡。不管有多困難，練習讓自己在任何時刻都能融入當下，同時不企圖改變任何事情，也不強求任何特定結果。在願意相信自己的直覺和最佳本能為前提下，看看哪些是「可行」的。
9. Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing, and they demonstrate that you see a situation more clearly, or more from your child’s point of view. But “I’m sorry” loses its meaning if we are always saying it, or if we make regret a habit.
即使只是小小的背信，也要向孩子道歉。道歉一來有療癒的效用，二來顯示你更明事理，或者更能從孩子的觀點解讀事情。不過，如果總是把「對不起」掛在嘴上，或者動不動就說自己感到抱歉，那就失去了意義。
10. Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.
每個孩子都是特別的，也有其特別的需求。他們各自擁有全然獨特的觀點。在你心中，要獨立看待每個孩子。接納他們，祝福他們。
11. There are very important times when we need to practice being clear and strong and unequivocal with our children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness and generosity and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid and controlling.
有些非常重要的時刻，需要練習以清楚、堅定和明確的態度對待孩子。盡量把你的態度奠基在覺知、寬容和明辨之上，而不是恐懼、自以為是或控制慾。正念教養既不是過分溺愛、疏忽或軟弱；也不是嚴厲和掌控。
12. The greatest gift you can give your child is your self. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and in awareness. We have to be grounded in the present moment to share what is deepest and best in ourselves.
你能給孩子的最佳禮物就是你自己。這句話的意思是，身為父母，你的職責之一是要不斷增長自知和自覺。我們必須立基於當下，以便把內在最深層和最好的部分分享給孩子。
正念親職：聆聽六位男女上師開示，如何以正念來教養孩子（康卓仁波切、措尼仁波切、詠給明就仁波切等）［關於這篇正念親職的十二個重點，將有中譯與大家分享，但請等等喔～http://www.bodhikids.org/parents/ ］
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